Supporting as Death Draws Near

At some point in life, many of us are called upon to support a dying family member, friend, or client. It is essential to recognize that during such times, the more knowledge we have about how to be helpful, the more successful our efforts will be. In this article, I will outline important points to consider as you prepare for this responsibility. Understanding these will ensure that the support you give is of great value to the dying person, and personally rewarding for you.

1) Examine attitude and feelings

Prior to being with someone who is dying, it is essential to examine our thoughts and attitudes about dying and death in general, and to then review how we feel about this specific upcoming death. Pondering what it would be like to say goodbye to everyone and everything that is of value and meaning to us can help us get in touch with some of our deepest feelings. This is especially important to consider if the person who is dying is about our age, the age of our partner, or the age of our children, or if their life circumstances are very similar to our own. It is crucial to recognize and acknowledge the realness of our feelings, rather than attempting to deny or ignore them. Death affects us and we get in trouble if we think it does not. When feelings are ignored, they tend to sneak out when we least expect them to; causing the situation to then become more about us, than about meeting the emotional and soulful needs of the other.

2) Acknowledge what dying people want

Dying creates numerous changes in all aspects of life. The more control we have over any situation, especially during times of change and uncertainty, the better we cope and adjust. It is important to allow the dying person as much control as possible. One way to do this is by frequently asking what the person wants, and from whom it is wanted. Fulfilling these requests may then require you to advocate on the dying person’s behalf; even to the point of meeting with the Chairman of the Board for something as simple as getting permission for the person’s Border Collie to be at the death bed.

3) Recognize the difference between pain and suffering

When pain is unmanageable, despite narcotic usage, the source of the suffering may be deeply rooted in unresolved emotional or spiritual concerns. As dying people review their lives, there is a need to bring peaceful closure to all significant relationships. Unresolved emotional and soulful issues, such as a need to explain one’s point of view related to a past incident, or the need to forgive or to seek forgiveness are often the sources of the suffering. Alleviating this suffering can happen by inquiring about a need to call a specific person to the bedside.

4) Support the Life Review

Erik Erikson described the Life Review as a process of examining one’s life to determine if the Gods are pleased. Dying persons become deeply engaged in this soulful process to determine where they did the best they could have, and where they felt the need to make amends. The Life Review can be stimulated by visits, music, photographs or through the process of reminiscing. Dying people value “Remember When” narratives of our positive experiences with them.

Every life is made of positive and difficult events. When the life is being reviewed, the seemingly insurmountable difficulties can saturate consciousness and the person can become fixated on them. When the dying person seems anxious or despairing, it is therapeutic to invite the relating of the most challenging times. As the person does so, help them explore any positive outcomes that may have resulted from each of the difficult events. A circular form of questioning works well to achieve this. “And then what happened?” can be asked following the first report of the difficult event, and asked again following each description of the outcomes that followed. In doing so, you help the person to more readily see any silver linings behind the cloud that moments earlier, appeared to be extremely dark and impenetrable.

Our goal in assisting with the Life Review is to help the dying person see their life as a meaningful whole, yes even with difficulties; but also with many positive circumstances. By aiding the movement of despairing moments into more positive ones, we help the person to die in integrity and with dignity.

 

©Jane A. Simington PhD

A Year of Opportunity for Spiritual Mastery

©Jane A. Simington, PhD.

Welcome to 2018!

The super full moon on January 1, bathed us in a cosmic light foreshadowing the bright potential and expanded possibilities of the upcoming year. In Numerology, the energy expression of a year is determined by adding the numbers and reducing that number to a single digit. In doing so, we determine that 2018 has the energy expression of a 2. Before they are reduced however, the addition of the numbers in 2018 results in an 11; but because the number 11 is considered to be a Master Number it is not reduced. In the science of Numerology, it is believed that the energetic expression of a Master Number must be acknowledged, for it offers great potential to those willing and able to surmount the challenges propelled by that level of increased energy.

This 11 year will mark the beginning of a new direction in both our individual and collective lives. The 11 symbolizes the potential to advance our human experiences to a higher spiritual perspective, to increase the links between the mortal and immortal, between darkness and light, and between ignorance and enlightenment. The energetic vibration of 2018 will help us gain mastery over our lives and increase our awareness of the insights into the intricate unseen relationships amongst and between all things. During this 11 year, we can expect significant changes in our own feelings of tolerance and in the feelings of tolerance around the world as the incoming energy will create a vibration driving change and innovation impossible to ignore or stop.

Since the reduction of the 11 to a single digit results in a 2, we must also consider the impact on our lives of the 2 energy and recognize that during 2018, we will often feel pulled back and forth between mastery and challenge. In the mastery zone we will feel innovative, competent, in control and confident in taking calculated risks. As we do so, we will stretch and grow. This growth will in turn put us again in the challenge zone, where we will be required to take some time to again gain our footing, before we step forward again to achieve an even higher sense of mastery.

Based on the symbolic meanings of the energies being projected to us during this coming year, and if individually and collectively we are able to take the calculated risks to achieve higher levels of mastery, expect that during the next twelve months many more of us will:

  • Recognize the intricate relationships among all things and begin to see the light of auras.
  • Acknowledge the links between the mortal and immortal and have an increase in communication with those on other realms.
  • Be more aware of the relationships between challenges and mastery and move forward with increased confidence to face the challenges and achieve ever-increasing levels of success.
  • Accept significant changes in personal feelings of tolerance and in the feelings of tolerance around the world.

As you face the challenges brought in by the energy vibration of the 11, I wish you health, happiness, and great prosperity in 2018 as you successfully meet those challenges and thus achieve great movement along your path of personal growth and spiritual mastery.

To Know Is To Value: Cultural Awareness Increases World Peace

Jane A. Simington PhD.

St. Augustine of Hippo wrote that “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page.” I returned recently from travel in Russia and other Baltic countries. For me, travel is the ultimate personal and spiritual development tool. Journeying through other countries and cultures offers an expanded awareness of the soulful ways in which people suffer, survive and celebrate.

During my time in Russia and Finland, I witnessed glorious theater, song and dance re-enactments of mythical stories, ways of demonstrating love, and of how they coped with their most powerful and terrifying emotions. Each performer provided a theatrical expression of his or her own soul story; yet collectively the group portrayed the larger context of their lives, their culture and their country, providing a meaning extending beyond their individual fate.

Since time immemorial, people have used music, theatre and dance as ritual to instil hope and courage in those who might have individually been terrified but who collectively were able to become powerful advocates for themselves and others. Witnessing the Cossack Folk dancers and Russian opera singers depicting their individual and collective stories summoned memories of being in a concert hall in Ireland, surrounded by people overflowing with intense pain-filled emotion and then incredible pride as the performers portrayed the suffering and survival of the Irish during and following the potato famine. During my reverie over the parallels in the cultural presentations and the emotions being stirred, I also recalled being at the Healing Our Spirits Worldwide International Conference in Albuquerque, New Mexico. There I witnessed the soul-chilling pageantry of the Grand Entry of hundreds of Indigenous peoples from many parts of the world, all dressed in their traditional regalia. To the beat of hundreds of drums and traditional songs, their dance-like movements were a ceremonial display of immense personal and collective pride, creating in me a sense of their ever-increasing hope for personal and collective empowerment. During my travels in Estonia, I learned of the “singing revolution.” On a June 1987 evening, more than ten thousand concert-goers linked arms and began singing patriotic songs that had been forbidden during half a century of Soviet occupation. The songfests and protests continued until by August of 1991, the Congress of Estonia had proclaimed the restoration of the Estonian state.

Grieving and traumatized people are often too afraid to feel deeply, because feeling and expressing emotion leads to a loss of control. In contrast, singing, dancing and ceremonial displays permit the embodiment of emotion and the giving of voice to those emotions, be they emotions of suffering, hope, survival, or the pride that surfaces as freedom and independence are won.

Research into the impact of song, dance and theatrical performances demonstrates that the force of communal rhythm in action causes a shift within the participants, who, by becoming rhythmically engaged, have opportunities for trying on different roles and becoming, even for a short time, the person in the role they are embodying. This is why movement, music and dance therapies, and theatrical and ceremonial practices are now incorporated into both individual and collective grief and trauma therapies. Witnessing folk dances and listening to the songs and the music involved in cultural performances also creates a shift at both the conscious and subconscious levels of those privileged to be gifted in these ways. The theatrical re-enactment of a people’s history deepens appreciation for the peoples whose culture we explore and whose land we walk upon. Increasing awareness of their history and their culture decreases our fear of them and our feelings of threat from them. This in turn, can then become a major step toward creating world peace, one visitor at a time.

© September, 2017.

A Legacy of Love Enriches Our Family Story

©Jane A. Simington PhD. 2017

 

Summer is a time when many gather for special events that add memories to the family story, that will last a life time. Such gatherings also connect the present with the past; for they can evoke strong memories resulting from conversations about the legacy left by family members who have helped to establish intergenerational links.

A legacy is a tangible (such as an item) or intangible (such as love and respect) substance that is left by someone who has died and helps keep the deceased person alive in the memories of those whose lives have been significantly touched by the death. For me and my family members, our Mother’s flowers are both tangible and intangible portions of her legacy.

Roots from perennials which our Mother shared with each of her children, now flourish and bloom; not only in our gardens but in the gardens of our children and grandchildren. Throughout spring and summer we share photos of their blossoms. During family gatherings, we relive our various visits to Mother’s garden and the conversations we had as she insisted she be the one to dig the roots of each plant (explaining she knew best how to) so that the roots would grow into a plant that would thrive in our particular home gardens.

Today I picked a bouquet of roses, the roots of which originated from Mother’s plant. Mother loved roses and had one large rose bush that was abundant with fragrant blooms from early spring to late autumn. As I enjoyed my roses this morning, I spent some moments in reverie about my connections to my Mother and her roses. My Mother’s name was Rose, and in my pondering, I reflected on the symbolism associated with the rose and how that symbolism was a reflection of her name and of my Mother’s legacy to her family. Symbolically the rose represents love, as the guiding principle for life, a symbol carried from mythological and ancient times into all the major modern religions.

My association with my Mother and roses also caused me to recall that roses have long been associated with spiritual messengers and messages from those who have gone before us, and my own experiences regarding this knowledge. Two nights before my Mother died, I smelled roses, even though there were none (visible to me) in her room. When I related this, Mother responded that the roses were from my son who had died and that I would know Billy was around when I again smelled roses. Days later, on my drive homeward, for a few moments only, my entire car was flooded with the unmistakable, fragrance of blooming roses.

Returning from my reverie, I gazed again at the rose bouquet I had picked this morning, and appreciated anew a grander image of the wholeness of life and of the continuation of family connections, intergenerational bonds, and ancestral roots.

As your family gathers this summer, if someone of significance will no longer be present, I invite you to relive that person’s legacy. As you do, honor how this person contributed to your family ties and recognize how those connections have impacted your life and then determine how you will strengthen the intergenerational bond that will link your legacy to future generations.