To Know Is To Value: Cultural Awareness Increases World Peace

Jane A. Simington PhD.

St. Augustine of Hippo wrote that “The world is a book, and those who do not travel read only one page.” I returned recently from travel in Russia and other Baltic countries. For me, travel is the ultimate personal and spiritual development tool. Journeying through other countries and cultures offers an expanded awareness of the soulful ways in which people suffer, survive and celebrate.

During my time in Russia and Finland, I witnessed glorious theater, song and dance re-enactments of mythical stories, ways of demonstrating love, and of how they coped with their most powerful and terrifying emotions. Each performer provided a theatrical expression of his or her own soul story; yet collectively the group portrayed the larger context of their lives, their culture and their country, providing a meaning extending beyond their individual fate.

Since time immemorial, people have used music, theatre and dance as ritual to instil hope and courage in those who might have individually been terrified but who collectively were able to become powerful advocates for themselves and others. Witnessing the Cossack Folk dancers and Russian opera singers depicting their individual and collective stories summoned memories of being in a concert hall in Ireland, surrounded by people overflowing with intense pain-filled emotion and then incredible pride as the performers portrayed the suffering and survival of the Irish during and following the potato famine. During my reverie over the parallels in the cultural presentations and the emotions being stirred, I also recalled being at the Healing Our Spirits Worldwide International Conference in Albuquerque, New Mexico. There I witnessed the soul-chilling pageantry of the Grand Entry of hundreds of Indigenous peoples from many parts of the world, all dressed in their traditional regalia. To the beat of hundreds of drums and traditional songs, their dance-like movements were a ceremonial display of immense personal and collective pride, creating in me a sense of their ever-increasing hope for personal and collective empowerment. During my travels in Estonia, I learned of the “singing revolution.” On a June 1987 evening, more than ten thousand concert-goers linked arms and began singing patriotic songs that had been forbidden during half a century of Soviet occupation. The songfests and protests continued until by August of 1991, the Congress of Estonia had proclaimed the restoration of the Estonian state.

Grieving and traumatized people are often too afraid to feel deeply, because feeling and expressing emotion leads to a loss of control. In contrast, singing, dancing and ceremonial displays permit the embodiment of emotion and the giving of voice to those emotions, be they emotions of suffering, hope, survival, or the pride that surfaces as freedom and independence are won.

Research into the impact of song, dance and theatrical performances demonstrates that the force of communal rhythm in action causes a shift within the participants, who, by becoming rhythmically engaged, have opportunities for trying on different roles and becoming, even for a short time, the person in the role they are embodying. This is why movement, music and dance therapies, and theatrical and ceremonial practices are now incorporated into both individual and collective grief and trauma therapies. Witnessing folk dances and listening to the songs and the music involved in cultural performances also creates a shift at both the conscious and subconscious levels of those privileged to be gifted in these ways. The theatrical re-enactment of a people’s history deepens appreciation for the peoples whose culture we explore and whose land we walk upon. Increasing awareness of their history and their culture decreases our fear of them and our feelings of threat from them. This in turn, can then become a major step toward creating world peace, one visitor at a time.

© September, 2017.

Transformation Produces Abundance

©Jane A. Simington, PhD. 2017

Today, while gathering the abundance of an August harvest, a multicolored butterfly landed on my overflowing vegetable basket. The butterfly’s colors and how its wings became one with a carrot top reminded me of a clay Kachina I had once molded during an art class, and of the symbolism related to it. A Kachina is a supernatural being who controls nature and has the Spirits of living things such as animals and plants within it. The Butterfly Maiden is a Hopi Native American Kachina responsible for a fertile beginning leading to a transformation that produces a bountiful harvest. She is often pictured as a young Native American woman dressed in, and surrounded by butterflies. One teaching associated with her is that similarly to how each morning, the harvester searches for the ripe corn cobs that have burst forth from their husks, each new day offers abundant possibilities for stepping from our cocoons, spreading our wings and discovering the beautiful butterflies within; and that the best way to make progress in this direction is to reconnect with the symbolic messages reflected to us from nature’s perennial rhythm of fertility, growth, harvest and decay.

During times when our inner wisdom is quieted by the pain we feel, a daily venture out-of-doors can help us regain our foothold upon the Earth. Mother Nature’s cyclic rhythm of promise can help us regain hope for the future, and thereby rekindle our desire to continue to tread among the living. As we move through our daily lives, which are sometimes filled with hurt and fear, chaos and challenge, may Mother Nature daily provide one item to symbolically brighten the darkness of our personal cocoons, laid down to protect us from the harshness of the world, and from within that Light, may our beautiful butterflies emerge.

 

A Legacy of Love Enriches Our Family Story

©Jane A. Simington PhD. 2017

 

Summer is a time when many gather for special events that add memories to the family story, that will last a life time. Such gatherings also connect the present with the past; for they can evoke strong memories resulting from conversations about the legacy left by family members who have helped to establish intergenerational links.

A legacy is a tangible (such as an item) or intangible (such as love and respect) substance that is left by someone who has died and helps keep the deceased person alive in the memories of those whose lives have been significantly touched by the death. For me and my family members, our Mother’s flowers are both tangible and intangible portions of her legacy.

Roots from perennials which our Mother shared with each of her children, now flourish and bloom; not only in our gardens but in the gardens of our children and grandchildren. Throughout spring and summer we share photos of their blossoms. During family gatherings, we relive our various visits to Mother’s garden and the conversations we had as she insisted she be the one to dig the roots of each plant (explaining she knew best how to) so that the roots would grow into a plant that would thrive in our particular home gardens.

Today I picked a bouquet of roses, the roots of which originated from Mother’s plant. Mother loved roses and had one large rose bush that was abundant with fragrant blooms from early spring to late autumn. As I enjoyed my roses this morning, I spent some moments in reverie about my connections to my Mother and her roses. My Mother’s name was Rose, and in my pondering, I reflected on the symbolism associated with the rose and how that symbolism was a reflection of her name and of my Mother’s legacy to her family. Symbolically the rose represents love, as the guiding principle for life, a symbol carried from mythological and ancient times into all the major modern religions.

My association with my Mother and roses also caused me to recall that roses have long been associated with spiritual messengers and messages from those who have gone before us, and my own experiences regarding this knowledge. Two nights before my Mother died, I smelled roses, even though there were none (visible to me) in her room. When I related this, Mother responded that the roses were from my son who had died and that I would know Billy was around when I again smelled roses. Days later, on my drive homeward, for a few moments only, my entire car was flooded with the unmistakable, fragrance of blooming roses.

Returning from my reverie, I gazed again at the rose bouquet I had picked this morning, and appreciated anew a grander image of the wholeness of life and of the continuation of family connections, intergenerational bonds, and ancestral roots.

As your family gathers this summer, if someone of significance will no longer be present, I invite you to relive that person’s legacy. As you do, honor how this person contributed to your family ties and recognize how those connections have impacted your life and then determine how you will strengthen the intergenerational bond that will link your legacy to future generations.

Grandfathering Strengthens Intergenerational Bonds

©Jane A. Simington PhD.

 

Parents who have had a child die often feel that they have lost a huge part of their future. All the goals, dreams and aspirations they had for that child and for their relationship with that child are gone, and in their place is a deep sadness and a longing for what will never be.

As a bereaved mother I know that while my son Billy can never be replaced and that the dreams we had for him will never be achieved, I have come to recognize that within that knowing is tied a deeper recognition of the cycle of life and of the value of meaningful relationships.

Each day, I marvel at my husband’s parenting and grandparenting. Now that Bill is mostly retired from the world of paid work, he rarely misses a morning phone call to our youngest daughter asking if she needs any help that day with the “boys”. His strong bond with our three grandsons, created from being so frequently present to them and involved in their activities, has helped him fulfill in so many ways some of the unfulfilled dreams he had for Billy and for his relationship with him. The positive effects of Bill’s grandparenting has increased my understanding of how when a family tragedy happens, each member of that family must assist in healing the family wounds and also of how when that healing takes place, the strengthening of relationships becomes like a glue to cement intergenerational bonds.

The family surname creates a substantial link from one generation to the next. Since Billy was the only male heir, upon his death that link was lost. Recognizing the grief her father experienced around that loss, our youngest daughter hyphenated the surnames of each of her three sons. Now, on occasion, to fit the backs of their hockey sweaters, their hyphenated names are shortened to reveal only Bill’s surname. While this may seem insignificant to others, to Bill and me it not only provides momentary joy-filled reminders of how proudly Billy would often turn his back to reveal for his dad his surname and number; it is also for us a knowing that by hyphenating her sons’ names, our daughter contributed to healing our family wound and helped to increase our grandsons’ understanding of their belonging to an extended family, where each family member contributes in both great and small ways to the establishment of bonds of healing, love and family support, that will extend these same strengths into their generation.

Both Bill and I are conscious of how involvement with our grandsons has helped to fill the empty spaces created by our inability to see Billy live to his adulthood; yet we are also keenly aware of how enriched our grandsons’ lives are because of Bill’s frequent involvement with them. It is difficult to say who gains the most from experiences such as when, under his Grandfather’s watchful guidance, our oldest grandson drove for the first time, his Grandfather’s red Camaro convertible; or when his Grandfather did not win any of the car races at Speeders, between him and his middle grandson; or when the youngest grandson urgently ran back home from school, to get the Coonskin hat his Grandfather has previously bought him, so that he could be appropriately dressed for his school field trip to Fort Edmonton.

While it impossible to say who acquires the most from such experiences, Bill and I both acknowledge that the giving and the receiving across these generations has increased our awareness of the fullness of the cycle of life and of how each of us contribute on a daily basis to the turning of that wheel.

Roses to Honor Bereaved Mothers on Mother’s Day

©Jane A. Simington, PhD.

Mother’s Day is celebrated annually as a tribute to mothers, motherhood and the influences of Mothers in society. Although the origins of the holiday date back to ancient Greek and Roman times, the modern forms of this celebration take place in many countries during the month of May.

Holiday celebrations such as Mother’s Day tend to include family gatherings and the sharing of traditions and “Remember When” stories. Such events can be emotionally difficult for the bereaved. Mother’s Day can be particularly difficult for Mother whose child is no longer living.

Throughout my years as a bereaved mother, I learned that the best way to navigate the waters of grief that become more turbulent during holiday times, especially during the celebration of Mother Day, is to allow myself to acknowledge both the Down and Under and the Up and Out aspects of my grief. 1 The following celebration strategy which implements both these aspects of grief and grief counseling has worked effectively for me and for many of the bereaved mothers I have supported as they moved through the emotionally charged days prior to, and during, the celebrations of their Motherhood. If you are a bereaved mother, I believe you will find this activity to be empowering, emotionally releasing and therapeutic.

Purchase, or ask your family and friends to contribute, one rose for each year of your deceased child’s life. For the number of flowers, write on a beautiful small piece of paper, the things you miss about being a mother for the child who has died. This acknowledges the Down and Under aspects of your grief. On a second piece of the same lovely paper, write one of your most beautiful memories of being a mother for that child. This action will acknowledge the Up and Out aspects of your grief and your grief process. When both aspects of your grief have been acknowledged, attach one of the Down and Under messages and one of the Up and Out messages to each of the roses. During the process of tying, I encourage you to write your feelings about the process and/or to verbalize with a trusted friend or counselor your written expressions and the feelings attached to those expressions. This will help you to release the emotional load of the Down and Under messages and allow you to relive and re-enjoy the Up and Out messages. After Mother’s Day, when the roses have wilted, I would suggest that you have a small burning ceremony with the wilted roses and the Down and Under messages. Place in a special container your Up and Out messages. Also after Mother’s Day, for each of the remaining days in the month of May, I encourage you to each day, read one of the Up and Out messages and to create an affirmation around that message that will acknowledge your goodness as a Mother.

 

 

1). Carkhuff, R.R. (1987). The Art of helping 96th Ed.). Amherst, MA: Human Resources Development.

 

Easter: A Time to Weave an Intergenerational Fabric Made of both Sacred and Secular Threads

© Jane A. Simington PhD, 2017

Easter is a time for resurrecting from the old; it is a time to honor the good that has been a part of our past and to consider how we can use that good as fertilizer for the new seeds we will plant during this particular springtime of our lives. Reflecting on the good that has been a part of past Easter celebrations can help decrease the emotional responses we may experience related to any anniversary reactions that might surface as we plan for and participate in Easter celebrations.

Anniversary reactions triggered by this season are reminders of what we once had. The memories that surface surrounding the events of family gatherings and Easter traditions and celebrations can stir emotional responses of loss, ranging from feeling mildly distressed to more extreme reactions including significant mental health and/or medical symptoms.

My life experiences related to anniversary reactions surrounding my own grief have taught me that the best way to manage these symptoms is to spend time in reverie; focusing on the many experiences of joy and happiness I have experienced during the Easter Seasons, both prior to and following my losses. In doing so, I now recognize how my positive memories of childhood Easter celebrations were interwoven into the ways in which I celebrated Easter with my own children and how I now do similarly with my three grandsons in the hope of solidly braiding them to intergenerational ties of goodness.

Celebrations of Easter during my childhood were strongly connected to church feast days, yet my Mother sprinkled her own flavors of mystery and magic on each of our family activities. One of my favorite recalls happened in early life. Mother directed my older sister to bring to her a large kettle for boiling the eggs that we children would all later take part in decorating. My sister was then asked to remove the lid and fill it with water. As she did so, to all of our amazement, out jumped a young rabbit. After capturing the rabbit and freeing it to the outdoors, we children in our excitement were easily convinced that this was the Easter Bunny and that he was hiding in that kettle listening to our Easter celebration plans and deciding how he could be a part of them. Now as an adult I am sure my Father had found the young rabbit when he was doing early spring field work, but the logic of that remains lost within the magical memory I can easily recall.

As a mother I modeled my Mother’s abilities and infused my Easter celebrations with my own touches of beauty and playfulness. One favored memory is how my children splashed onto the remaining snow, the dyes left over from the coloring of their Easter eggs, and how we would then examine the snow, for any Easter shapes the dyes had made on it. Sprinkling our Easter Celebrations with magic has and continues to be a rich part of my Grandparenting. In preparation for each Easter, their Grandfather Bill and I examine our photograph albums of the Easter joys we have witnessed of our grandsons’ experience. One photo that always brings us delight is of our oldest grandson at about three years of age, standing in the box of his Grandfather’s truck, proudly displaying a blue Easter egg he had just discovered there during our outdoor Easter egg hunt.

I believe that by keeping alive and bringing into our present practices those from our past that have brought joy and happiness help us and those who follow behind us to acknowledge the special gifts and traditions of our families. In doing so, we strengthen the awareness of how our family’s particular blend of spirituality is woven together in a fine fabric made of both sacred and secular threads.

Nurturing Seeds of Optimism and Hope

©Jane A. Simington PhD.

As the days became longer and the cold of winter was giving way to the warmth of spring, as a child I could sense the optimism and hope being shared by my parents as they discussed their plans for the seeding of spring crops and gardens. Signs of new life abounded around my farm home and the potential for the gains my family could acquire if that new life was nurtured and properly cared for, while covert, were palpable.

Those childhood days have imprinted correlations in my mind between spring, new beginnings and hope. Our spring celebrations and family meals offered a sacred space for giving thanks and for inward visioning of the promises held for the coming season.

My sacred and treasured childhood memories of the holiness of spring are in many ways comparable to the teachings which since ancient times have surrounded the Spring Equinox. The Spring Equinox, because of its association with light and new growth, was in ancient times, also known as Ostara, This title derived from the name of the Celtic Goddess of fertility and springtime. She was celebrated during the Spring Equinox as the balance between darkness and light and as the bringer of increased light. Many other cultures and traditions including Christian, Orthodox and Pagan have also marked this powerful turn of the seasonal wheel with symbolism of resurrection and rebirth.

The sun’s journey throughout the course of the year holds strong symbolism to our own journey. The Spring Equinox is positioned upon a point of balance, with one side of the equinox representing the dark half of the year and our struggles with the dark and death aspects of ourselves. The other side of the equinox represents the light half of the year and our possibilities for rebirth and new beginnings.

Spring is for me a time to celebrate the resurrection of what went beneath the earth at the Winter Solstice, both real and metaphorically; and to joyfully anticipate the new life that is appearing in field and womb. It is a time of new beginnings, of action, of saying goodbye to the old, and of creating sacred spaces to hold the new seeds we plant and, when nurtured and properly cared for, will produce abundant fruit.

Earth teach me, to forget myself as melted snow forgets its life.
Earth teach me, regeneration as the seed which rises in the spring.
~ William Alexander

I Held You for Three Days

©Jane A. Simington PhD.


“It is not a matter of brain damage; it is a matter of life or death.” I was unconscious. My husband, Bill signed the consent form. The backward fall that fractured my skull had thrust my brain forward, crashing it against the frontal portion of my cranium, causing swelling and bleeding which required life-saving neurosurgery. While I have few memories of those days, I have long since ceased to be troubled by my lack of recall. The five-year anniversary a few days ago, did however, trigger a need for more details.

One of the events for which I sought clarity was around my post-surgical inability to see. I recall having a fleeting awareness of this; and of begging the three Beings of Light, who were always present and seemingly supporting me from another level of consciousness, to open my eyes. As we revisited those days, Bill told me that my failed attempts to force my swollen eyes open had caused me to become increasingly agitated, even to the point of pulling out my life supporting chest tubes. Convincing the nurses that tying my hands down would only increase the agitation; he promised to keep me from touching the tubes. His response to my questioning of how he managed to control my anxiety, is I believe the most loving phrase I have ever, or will ever hear, “I held you for three days.”

While it took months to regain balance and heal the many post-trauma symptoms, today I am grateful for a body and brain that function well. I am thankful for my sight and hearing; especially since because of the location of the injuries, the retaining of these senses is an incredible gift. Most especially, I am grateful for a husband who for three days and nights calmed my restlessness with his caring and loving touch.

Following Bill’s and my discussion, I pondered the power of touch. I know from a previous literature review that during emotionally difficult times, when someone cannot or will not hear words of love, they can still feel love that is conveyed through touch. I also recall that in the early nineteen hundred’s, almost one hundred percent of children who were placed in orphanages died before the age of one year. Later research concluded that these children, while well cared for physically, died from a lack of caring and loving touches. Reflecting on these studies I pondered: Did my living and complete recovery, described as miraculous by the neurosurgeons, result from the love that was conveyed to me as I was being held for three days?

A Time To Carve A New Path

 

©Jane A. Simington, PhD.

During my childhood, I would often count the number of words in a phrase or sentence, to determine if the total equalled an odd or an even number. This early interest likely contributed to my later study of numerology. In this system, each letter and number carries an energetic vibration. The total vibration of the word, phrase, or large number is determined by adding the vibrational values given to each letter or number used to make up the whole. The total number is then reduced to a single digit, representing the energetic vibration of the whole.

I often use this esoteric knowledge to determine the energetic value of important names, titles or numbers, such as the number of the year we are entering. In numerological terms, the energy for 2017 is 2 + 0 + 1 + 7 = 10 = 1. The energetic value of 1 is about newness and new beginnings. It is about creating and manifesting our dreams and desires. The energetic value of a year that totals 1 represents the start of a new 9 year cycle. According to this study, the intentions we make and the foundations we establish during 2017 (preferably early in the year,) will shape the flow of energy within our lives over the forthcoming decade. Holding the energetic vibration of the 1, the year unfolding before us is a time to plant seeds of our deepest desires, dreams and visions for every area of our lives: relationships, health, healing, well-being, finances and careers.

The energetic vibrations of the number one and 2017, the year associated with that number, resonate in like manner with other forms that also carry that vibration. The following words are some examples: pondering them can help paint a picture of the potential growth energy available during 2017.

  • DNA = 1
  • Spirit = 1
  • Blissful = 1
  • Union = 1
  • Goddess = 1

Applying the resonating values of these words we may, for example, consider how our focused intentions made during this year might activate our DNA and align us with the infinite potential of Spirit. As we activate our inherent creativity through our Goddess selves, we activate a force within us that can create miracles.

It is however, also necessary to recognize that every energetic vibration has a polarity. The following also carries the vibration of a 1 and thus reminds us that these vibrations are also possible ways in which 2017 can be experienced.

  • Arrogance = 1
  • Victimhood = 1

The year we are entering has great potential. The energy of 2017 supports our efforts to carve a new path of success and prosperity in all areas of our lives. The polarity of the expressions reminds us however, that how the year unfolds in our particular lives, will depend on which vibrations we choose to resonate with. If for example, we continue to choose thoughts, emotions and perceptions that keep us stuck in Victimhood, we will simply repeat the patterns of the past and deny ourselves the Blissful life of being in Union with Spirit.

As we enter 2017, a year filled with infinite possibilities, my wish is that we each use the potential of the powerful, positive vibrations available during the next twelve months to reframe or change situations in our lives that are not as they should be; thus allowing us to be more open to carving a new path of success and abundance in every area of our lives.

Christmas and Helpful Communication In Times of Loss

©Jane A. Simington PhD.

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December is upon us and during this month, many will spend time with loved ones for whom Christmas does not bring joy but instead exaggerates their grief responses. While we tend to associate grief with the death of a loved one, there are actually four major types of losses that those in our workplaces and personal lives may be grieving. These are: the loss of meaningful relationships and include losses resulting from death, separation, divorce, abortion, or of children taken into foster care. Losses of meaningful objects are the second major category and include the losses of a home or treasured objects; and can result from a house fire or relocation such as what happens when someone enters a long-term care facility and can take only one box and one suitcase of possessions. A loss of context is the third major type of losses and includes losses of routine and the familiar; these losses can also include losses of goals and dreams and a loss of a sense of one’s past, such as happens when a parent dies, or a loss of a sense of one’s future, as what happens when a child dies. The fourth major category is losses of parts of the self. These losses include sensory losses, loss of a body part, a loss of identity, or a loss of a sense of self, self-worth, or dignity. These major categories of losses are not mutually exclusive, for many who experience a significant loss in one category will subsequently experience losses in another or even in all the other categories.

Many who desire to be helpful, struggle with the best ways to communicate with a griever, especially with those who are in the early stages of grief, or with those who are experiencing a renewed rawness of their grief and of all the memories of what they no longer have and will never again have. A renewed rawness of grief is often triggered by an anniversary reaction, such as what happens at Christmas time. The following points on helpful ways to communicate and not-communicate with a griever can allow a caring person to become one who is capable of knowledgeable caring:

  • Create opportunities that allow the griever to speak about the losses or about the person who has died, since a great fear for grievers is that their loved one will too soon be forgotten. Relating any positive life events and memories of your experiences with the griever or of their loved one who has died can boost the griever’s self-worth and help them to know that their loved one or their contributions are not forgotten.
  • Be comfortable with tears for they are a normal part of grief and can help grieving persons release deeply felt emotional and soul pain. It is also okay to shed a tear as you listen to the griever’s tear-filled stories. Remember however, that crying and weeping are not the same things. When we have a tear in our eye, grievers can sense our empathy. When we weep however, we have altered the relationship for we are no longer able to support the griever for something about what they have said or done has triggered unresolved feelings within us and the griever may end up comforting the one who should be providing the comfort, but is no longer capable of doing so.
  • Remain focused on the griever and on the griever’s experiences. Many people have a difficult time remaining “other-focused.” The moment a griever attempts to describe a portion of their grief experience, a listener that is unable to be other-focused for more than a few moments, will piggy-back on the griever’s story and interject into the conversation, a life narrative of their own grief. To do so may make the griever feel that the listener does not hear the significance of, nor really care about, the griever or about what the griever is attempting to communicate.
  • Allow the griever to describe their beliefs about their life circumstances rather than offering “false reassurance.” False reassurance is delivered in expressions such as: “It was for the best.” “It was God’s will.” “Something good will come from this.” While these phrases may seem comforting, they are considered by grievers as the least helpful words spoken to them. Expressions such as these come from the speaker’s belief system and may not match the beliefs of the griever. False reassurance has been shown to increase anger at God as well as at the conveyor of such expressions, and thus interferes with the therapeutic relationship.
  • Offer the griever undivided attention. A griever’s life and sense of self have been destroyed. Grievers deserve the full attention of their listeners. To give full attention that conveys care, support and empathy, turn your entire body toward the person, make direct eye contact and drop everything else you are doing as the grieving person is speaking. My youngest daughter taught me the power of facing the speaker and making eye contact while listening. One afternoon, while I was busy at the stove and she was excitedly relating her kindergarten day’s events, she stopped mid-sentence to retort. ”Mom you are not listening!“  “Oh yes I am,” I replied, and repeated some of the things she had said. “But,” she cried! “You’re not listening with your eyes.” My child’s honest expression made me remember that the eyes truly are the windows of the soul and to make eye contact when someone is attempting to share deeply with me communicates that I am emotionally and soulfully present to them.
  • Keeping our eyes connected also keeps our eyes and hands off technology devices, such as phones or iPads. Focusing on devices when another is relating their feelings indicates in numerous nonverbal ways that we are more interested in what we are doing on the devices than we are with the person who at this moment needs our undivided attention.
  • Encourage the griever to create a nonverbal signal that communicates when they are becoming overwhelmed in a situation where they may not be able to tell you this in words. The nonverbal message can be anything from pulling on their left ear lobe to rubbing their right knee. Once the nonverbal communication strategy is established, it will then be an indication for you to find a way to excuse the griever from a situation in which they are becoming physically and/or emotionally exhausted.

Christmas is for many, a time of family gatherings. Contained within such gatherings are often reflections of the joys and family gatherings of past Christmases. These reflections, the season itself and all it contains, including the expectations of what it should contain, can add to the emotional emptiness felt by grievers. Many of us will, over the holidays, spend time with one or more persons who are experiencing grief. While we may not be able to make their lives joyful, we each can communicate in ways that convey care and support, knowing that feeling cared about is a first step in regaining a sense of hope that may one day lead to inner peace, the true gift of a joyous Christmas.